From Nursing to Nursing

On Returning to Work

I ran into a couple of girlfriends from nursing school yesterday (at the doctor's office no less), one of whom I worked with on Pediatrics and she asked me how much time I had left on maternity leave.  Turns out, I only have less than 4.5 months left.  How is that even possible?

When I was pregnant with Abbers, I was determined to work as long as possible before going on maternity leave.  I was sure that she was going to be late, so I had booked myself shifts up to September 25th (a 12 hour night, no less).  Turns out I only made it until September 19th, because at that point I was having some pretty major Braxton-Hicks while working and was scaring my co-workers.  I had a running joke with my co-workers that they didn't have to deliver me, they just had to get me to the elevator and press "3", and then I would do the rest.

So, although I tried to hang on until the very end (and made it just 10 days short), my plans of leaving my shift and then heading down and delivering didn't come to fruition. Thankfully though, I have almost a full year of Mat Leave thanks to my thoughtful baby who didn't leave me hanging on to the very end.

As an aside, my old unit manager, Sharon, who if you know her you know is always impeccably dressed and put together and is very thoughtful, use to come in for the day and tell me every morning that I looked lovely.  Now, keep in mind that I was wearing maternity tshirts because my scrubs didn't fit anymore, was generally coming off of a 12 hour night and would be covered in some sort of bio hazard, and had slept in a stretcher only a few hours before.  Every pregnant lady needs someone like Sharon in their life to remind them that they are more than a giant stomach.

Anyway,   back to the subject at hand:  my rapidly deteriorating maternity leave.  I am really sad that it is coming to an end. There are so many great things about being home all day.  I get to see every little development that Abby has.  I can sneak her into bed with me on a gray and sleepy morning such as this and have another half hour of sleep while she rests her sleepy head on my chest.  I can do all the baking and cooking that I want without time constraint.  My only plans for the week are those with friends, lunch dates, gymnastics or swimming lessons.  I rarely have to consult a calendar.  I can take as much vacation as I want (and have been doing so!).   I thought that I might be bored being at home, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

That being said though, I am looking forward to returning to work.  I really miss that contribution that I felt I was making to the patients and their families.  I miss mixing medications, telling little ones that I am going to measure their muscles (take their blood pressure), educating families, praising appy patients for their laps around the unit, consulting with doctors and feeling like they are truly weighing the information given to them.  I miss working in a team and learning from the amazing nurses that work on the unit.

I do have some reservations about going back though.  I know a lot has changed since I left, including rotations, unit manager, and staffing model (apparently there are some LPNs working on the floor now).  I feel as though I have probably lost some dexterity, have slower recall of medical terms, and might not be as familiar with signs and symptoms of common conditions as I once was.   I am scared of going back and feeling like a new grad again.

I do however have confidence that I am a good nurse.  I might be rusty and need to get back into the swing of things, but I don't doubt that I know how to do a great head to toe exam.  I know how to explain a seemingly scary procedure to a little one in a way they understand.  I am patient.  I am kind.  I am caring.  I am confident...even if just in appearances.  I know when to ask for help.  I know where to find and how to apply a policy. 

It will come back, and hopefully I will be able to get a lot of good experience under my belt so that I don't feel like this on my next maternity leave.

Going back to work also brings up a lot of other scary things I don't want to think about.  Applying for actual positions (there is pretty much no hope of being anything but casual on peds for years).  Looking for drop in child care for Abbers (my sister and I are hoping to avoid putting our kids in day care between the two of us).  Feeling OK with going back to work and not spending all my time with Abby.  Adjusting to a new balance Ty and I will have to strike since we will both be working.  Ugh.

It's a lot to think about.  But for right now, I am going to think about having another cup of coffee before playing with my little one.